Friday, January 15, 2010

All I can say is sorry

I have a heavy heart right now. I feel like the worst mother ever. For the last month and a half if you asked me how this pregnancy was going I most likely told you how much I dislike being pregnant. And as of Tuesday night I believe I even uttered the words no mother should ever say.... I hate this baby. I am sorry baby! I love you more then words can really describe and I am sorry.

Now for the explanation:
For the past month and a half I have been getting pains that were horrible to say the least. I went to the hospital and was told the pains I was having were due to round ligament pain. Fast forward to earlier this week and I was starting to get really concerned. The pains were happening almost weekly and there seemed to be no reason for them. They would happen at any time of day wether I had eaten or not. So on Tuesday at my last doctors appointment I mentioned it again and that my level of concern was rising. My doctor said that I should start writing down when they were happening and we would look at it again next time I was in.

Tuesday afternoon the pain started again and came on fairly quickly. We went out to dinner and by the time dinner was over the pain was horrible. Normally when the pain comes I end up getting sick and then the pain eventually wains away. Well on Tuesday the pains did not go away even after I got sick. I decided to go to sleep and see what the next day would bring, not that a good nights sleep was possible when my stomach was feeling the way it was but I would try.

Wednesday morning I woke up to the same pain and decided that i needed to give the hospital one more chance to help me with this pain. So off we went to see what they thought it might be this time. After more then a few hours, a few blood collections and one ultrasound it was determined that I have gallstones. They decided to admit me over night to run more tests and see just how bad the situation was. After one of the loneliest nights I have ever had and a room mate in labour they decided that it was something I should try to control with diet. So the plan is to try and avoid bad fats.

It turns out that the baby is good and all along it was my body causing the pain not the baby. So like I wrote before I am sorry baby. Sorry that I ever had a bad thought about you. I love you and I can not wait to meet you. As far as my gallbladder is concerned we will wait and see what happens.

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